So here are three reasons why it’s really () hard to “just stop” physical sin once you’ve gone there with a guy. That’s such a good question, one that a lot of girls wrestle with.
” where I shared that my heart got shattered when I broke things off with a guy I had been dating married-style.Three characteristics of intimacy are fantastic in marriage but disastrous outside of that covenant: 1) sex (and many things leading up to sex) are addicting, 2) hormones were designed to put fuel on the fire, and 3) we’re often led into intimacy by the guy we’re with.If a girl allows a guy access to her body, those hormones we talked about earlier kick in and completely override his better sense.Which is not to say that men are like the Incredible Hulk, unable to control themselves. But God designed him to be intoxicated by one woman’s beauty and then take the lead toward physical intimacy.But first, there’s something I really, really need you to hear: This post is not meant to shame you if you’ve already make sinned—big or small—with a guy. I’m not talking about the kind of mild-mannered, easily-overcome addiction I have to a certain raspberry chocolate-chip gelato right now.Trust me—I’ve been there, and I have nothing but love and compassion for you and your situation. I’m talking about a physical addiction that comes from things like drugs more often than ice cream.
And if you read through to the end, I’ll have some great links for you. In her book One of the critical neurochemicals released during sex is dopamine. God designed our hormones to be a kind of gasoline.
Dopamine makes you feel good; it creates a simultaneous sense of peace and pleasure. Getting turned on is like a spark that sets a gallon of gasoline on fire, and once it’s on fire, it ain’t easy to put out! This isn’t a post about what the Bible says about the roles of men and women.
Anytime your body experiences pleasure—whether morally “good” or “bad”—the limbic system gets washed in dopamine. I don’t want to give you the impression that it’s to stop, but I’ve often mused that stopping once you’ve started down that path is like trying to cage a lion with string and popsicle sticks. (But be sure the check out the posts on that subject in our archives! For now, you need to know that who God created men and women to be plays out big time in the world of intimacy.
That’s especially true if the person you are with has little desire to stop. I’ve literally talked to a girl who said, “Jessie, I don’t know what to do.
My boyfriend is always telling me to slow down when we’re alone together, and asking me to respect his boundaries, and I just don’t want to.” Not saying it couldn’t happen, ladies!
But on the flip side, more than one girl is at her wit’s end because her boyfriend seems to lose all ability to reason when they’re alone together. A guy’s leadership is important in so many ways—especially in marriage—but when it comes to physical intimacy before you’re married, his misguided leadership can get you into trouble.