The first time we talked about this subject on this blog was in "Move Faster," the original post about moving quickly with women to capitalize on open escalation windows.
I tend toward inaction over action, like, most probably, a majority of people out of there. And that includes everything from sultry looks from beautiful women whom I absolutely should've opened and didn't, to women I had in my bed that I gave up on too soon and never closed the deal with. He starts talking to her, and there's electricity in the air. For a while, as time passes, the energy and enthusiasm only builds. The guy panics mentally; he can tell he's losing this girl, whom he felt so sure was his only minutes before. It feels as though there's a bubble around them, in which only they exist; the outside world falls away. She tells him all kinds of things about herself, her eyes wide and filled with excitement.It builds and builds, until it hits a peak; a crescendo. He works hard, trying to turn things around, to reignite the passion that was there. He's fallen victim to a painful fact of life and love: attraction has an expiration date.Now, I've pushed myself for a long time to take bold action and force myself into taking some risks, so I do tend to take a lot more risks than most folks, but I still have a tendency to fall back on risk-averse behavior in some circumstances. Girls I'd been well into the last 5% with; heck, some of them I'd been into the last 0.5% with. The tall, sexy Brazilian girl who'd been making out with me in the nightclub, whose top I'd had off, who suddenly panicked last minute and charged out of the room.
But she wasn't sure she wanted to leave; she needed me to reassure her. The spunky, adventurous Thai girl I spent a night with and from whose bed I rose early without sleeping with her, only to have her kiss me passionately and all but beg me to stay, but I'd grown too weary and left when I should've just closed things out.
The stunning Indian girl sprawled out on my bed, paging through my coffee table book Super Sex, that I should've just jumped onto bed with and given what we both wanted.
But what's more painful is, guys almost never realize this is why they failed.
Usually they assume it was a value problem, or that they need to get better at maintaining attraction.
If only they knew the truth: they did just fine with attraction.
It was, ultimately, that failure to act in a timely enough manner that led them to losing the girl.